Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You need Xanax blowdarts
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
