Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
