That's when you crack a 10am beer
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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