god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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