I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
