Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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