Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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