your room smells of hookers.
And success
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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