Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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