I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
