I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Every concussion has its silver lining
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
