I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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