i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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