Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
