In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
