Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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