it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I have already put on my inside pants.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
