Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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