Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
