Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
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