i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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