How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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