Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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