Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
