So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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