I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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