First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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