meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
ok first of all what the fuck
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
