i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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