i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
