Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
