Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
