how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
