so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
ttyl tear gas
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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