There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
