i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
