True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You ate ashes out of my bong
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
