when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
