Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
