i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
