We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
