This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
