I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
