What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
