Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
did you just send me my own nude
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
