What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
