ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
The best revenge is premature balding
my shit smells like andre
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
