And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
