whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
