You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
We are two peas in an std pod
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
