dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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