u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
