I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
