And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
